


July 2005

by gothclark



Series: freak4ever - the Journal of Clark Kent [25]
Category: Smallville
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Sexual Content, Wordcount: 5.000-10.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-20
Updated: 2013-04-20
Packaged: 2017-12-09 00:48:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/768044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gothclark/pseuds/gothclark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clark continues to live his life in Metropolis, but discovers a mysterious stranger is stalking him.<br/>Something compels Clark to fly to China and there he finds a mysterious stone, which Lex becomes obsessed with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	July 2005

02 July @ 04:09 am

I went out to the club tonight. I was supposed to meet up with Lucas, but he never showed. That's cool. Something or someone else probably distracted him. I didn't really care. I met up with James, who looked hot. We stayed out for a while, dancing and drinking and making out.

While I was there, I swear I saw somebody in the crowd who looked just like him. I looked away and then he was gone. It must have been my imagination, but for just a second I thought for sure it was Lex and my heart leaped in my chest. It was just my mind playing tricks on me. I want him to be alive so badly that I imagine him here in the city. 

After the club, I went home and sat out on the balcony for a while watching the stars. They're so far away. Everything is so far away. I feel like I'll never be able to touch any of it again.

@ 11:52 pm

I spent most of today doing some shopping. Then I drove around for just because I wanted to feel the wind in my hair. I came home. James is here now.

Lucas never called me back or showed up again. He's probably left town by now, or possibly in some kind of danger that he's hoping I'll save him from. Whatever, it was fun while it lasted. 

We might go out later. It depends on whether we're in the mood. James said he wants to stay in, and I'm not against that idea. He looks comfortable naked in my bed. Why bother covering up all that nice skin when I can admire it in private?

 

04 July @ 01:32 pm

Lex

I can't stop thinking about you. You haunt my dreams, and, in some cases, my life. I had a nightmare last night that you came back and told me I wasn't good enough for you anymore. In the dream you told me that a thing like me should not be allowed to live, that I should have stayed true to us, and because I hadn't, I would suffer for the rest of my life. Then you crumbled to dust but you didn't stop talking. You became a voice in my head, taunting me. 

Then I woke up. After that, I couldn't get back to sleep. 

The city stinks. I can smell it all around me. Right now, I hate this place. I want to leave for good, and never look back. There's nothing for me here anyway. 

I wish James would just disappear. He's really starting to piss me off with his concern. The other night when he came over, I wasn't really in the mood, but I let him blow me anyway. After I came, I just wanted him to leave but, for some reason, I couldn't even be bothered to tell him to get out. I just lay there thinking about you. When he asked if I was okay, I told him everything was fine. I should have thrown him out. 

When I'm with him, I close my eyes and think about you. He's nowhere near as good as you in bed. With him, I don't feel anything.

 

05 July @ 01:31 pm

Yesterday was another wonderful day of leisure. I love doing nothing all day. I'm glad I don't have to bust my ass for that farm. It's not like I ever strained myself when I was working there, but Jonathan never appreciated me. He treated me like an alien jack, or whatever equipment he happened to need that day. He never once asked me how I felt about doing all that work. He just assumed. I don't miss that one bit.

I had to take the ring off again last night. When I was out on the balcony watching the fireworks, the scar started to burn. It's annoying, but I'm getting used to it. I just took the ring off and waited for the pain to stop, and then I put it back on. I felt much better afterwards. 

I forgot to eat for the last three days. I'm not even hungry. This is totally creepy. Is this another one of those freak alien things about me?

 

06 July @ 11:21 pm

I went out last night to a club I've only been to a few times. I was mostly bored. Then I saw him. I saw his ghost again. I looked across the crowded room and there he was, but when I went after him, he was gone. At least I think I saw him. There's no way he'd be dressed that way or be there in that place. It couldn't have been him. I wish it had been him. My eyes must have been playing tricks on me.

I'm starting to like this place. It's mine. I don't have to answer to anybody. I can come and go as I please. I can even jump off the balcony if I want. I never had this freedom when I was living at the farm. There I was always somebody else's bitch.

I just wish I had Lex here to share it all. If I did, it would be perfect, and I would never leave.

 

07 July @ 10:53 pm

This guy is totally pissing me off. I attract all these crazy guys. James has left me fifteen messages, begging me to call him right away. In one of them he actually said that he loves me. Why does he keep saying it? 

Now this person is stalking me. I see him and his little telescope, trained on me. How long was he watching? It's not like I'm not used to it. I totally am. Everybody watches me. I'm that good. 

Pal, I'm coming for you.

 

08 July @ 04:55 pm

I have a new boyfriend. He's hot, he's sexy, and he's asleep in my bed right now, naked. He looks awesome in my collar. I fucked him until he was too tired to do anything else, so he's passed out.

Last night, I went after my peeping tom, and it turned out to be a very nice surprise. He left me a message encouraging us to meet in person. I took his invitation to heart and we met up in his office where I tore his clothes off and fucked him on his desk. He's awesome and the hottest thing ever. His body was made just for me.

He's a nut, but I think I'm totally in love all over again.

@ 08:52 pm

I never thought I'd find Lex alive. I was too shocked to say anything. Then I did something really stupid. I took my school ring off. I don't know why I did that. I shouldn't have, because when it was off, all I could think about was all the things I'd done these past months. All I could think about was how I had cheated on him. 

I couldn't even look him in the eyes. He kissed my cheek, kissed my tears, but I couldn't do face him. I did the only thing I could do. I stepped away from him and put the ring back on. I didn't care that Lex called me a coward and told me not to put it on. I just couldn't take it. I couldn't take the shame and the look of pain on his face.

He'd been watching me all this time. Batman saved him when I couldn't. I was helpless, while Bruce, a mere human, rescued Lex. I failed him where his ex-lover did not. I bet Bruce is going to brag about that one for months.

It felt so good to throw that telescope out the window. I felt this anger with the way he was talking. He just never shuts up. He's always analyzing things. He can't just fuck and enjoy life. 

I showed him. I fucked him so hard that he shut up. All this time he was that guy taunting me. How didn't I see it? 

He's here now, he's alive, and he looks so beautiful, I could stare at him forever.

The truth is, when I put the ring back on, I felt so much better. After the awesome sex we had, I had to get him something to wear since I'd torn his clothing to shreds. I was back in a minute with a black t-shirt and black jeans. I also brought him the collar. After all, I bought it for him. 

I gave the clothing to him and when he put the collar on I thought I was going to have an orgasm right there. He looked so fucking hot! I wanted to fuck him again, but I also wanted to take him home. We went back to my place and fucked again until he fell asleep in my arms.

I don't care about the past. We can make a new life for ourselves. We're here now, the two of us, and I can't get enough of him. We fucked so many times last night and this morning that I think even I'm getting sore, but it's the best kind of pain. Lex is so amazing. He's thinner, but he's still so amazing.

08:56 pm

The plan is for Lex and I to have sex 24/7. Considering that whenever I touch him, we end up fucking where we stand, it's a great plan.

Kissing him again is like the most amazing drink after years of thirst. Holding him makes me realize that my arms have been empty all this time.

I want us to stay inside and never go out. We can order in. I have everything I need here now.

We just fucked again. I came out of the shower and he was lying on my bed naked, wearing nothing but my collar. He looked so sexy. I couldn't help but jump him. I pulled off my towel and wrapped myself around him and we were both hard and ready for it. Then I poked him with my big, thick stick until we both came really, really hard.

He's been through a major ordeal, so I'm going to have to be gentle with him. Screw that! He's taking it like a man. I love his ass-ets. They are all in the right place: my bed.

 

09 July @ 07:05 am

I hadn't eaten in almost a week, but right after we had hot, incredible, amazing sex, Lex ordered in really spicy Thai food. He sat on the floor by the coffee table and I fed him. It was perfect.

After we ate we had hot, amazing sex again. We were both dirty. It was a good kind of dirty, but I wanted a bath, so I made up a nice soothing bubble bath for Lex's aches and pains. We climbed in and started to kiss. I'm always hard near him, so I was fucking hard as a rock by then. He looks so amazing naked. I couldn't keep my hands off him. His smooth, gorgeous skin demanded to be touched and his lips begged to be kissed. 

He slid onto my cock while I lay back with my arm behind my head. It was the most intimate sex I have ever had. He was laid bare by it. I could see it in his eyes. He was the only thing I cared about. I was buried deep inside him, fucking him. He jerked himself off as he rode me, and came all over my chest. He's still so tight. I gripped his hips and lifted him up so I could fuck into him and then as I came, I said the words. 

He hasn't taken the collar off since he put it on. Fuck, I want to do it again just thinking about it. Just seeing him wear it makes me want him.

 

10 July @ 07:55 am

He's hot, and he's sexy. He makes me horny just watching him sleep. He's asleep right now, wearing nothing but the collar. I've missed him so much. We haven't talked since we were reunited. We haven't done much except fuck and eat. It's the perfect weekend. I needed a break. I've been working so hard. I want this to be perfect, and then later we can concern ourselves with the little things in life that I find annoying and intrusive. He deserves perfect after everything he's been through. 

I went out early this morning for coffee and croissants. There's this really nice place I know across town that has the most amazing early morning breakfasts. 

 

11 July @ 02:52 pm

This past weekend has been interesting. With the ring on, my inhibitions vanish as though they never existed. I feel free to do what I please. It's not like I feel the urge to hurt or damage people and things: I just feel more confident. I like that feeling. I wish I could feel that way all the time.

The scar started to burn. After I took the ring off, Lex and I talked. Lex asked me to keep the ring off -- not directly, but he did ask me to stay with him, so I did. I told him what happened with the scar, Jor-El, and the ship, and mom losing the baby because of what I did. He told me it wasn't my fault, but I know it is. None of this would have happened if it hadn't been for my actions. My dad was right about that. I'll be paying for this for the rest of my life. Every time I hear mom's voice, it hurts.

Lex told me that Dr. Bryce tried to bribe him with my blood. She was going to expose me and us, so Lex had to stop her, and he ended up in a plane crash. He said he was alone on an island all this time. I don't want to think about what he almost did. I could have lost him forever. I should have tried to save him. I should have never stopped looking. I should have never given up on him.

After all, it was my fault that he went missing. I should have told him about the blood sample. I should never have trusted Dr. Bryce. Lex thinks his father hired Dr. Bryce. I promised Lex that I'd tell him everything from now on.

He wants the world to think he's dead, and I'm going to do everything to help him. I want him to be happy. I want things for us to be good.

After we talked, we kissed and that ended with us in bed. I wanted to touch him and show him how much he means to me. We took our clothes off, and I sucked him off, then I jerked myself off. I felt exposed, but I knew it would be fine with Lex, because I knew he'd never hurt me. I still couldn't stop myself from feeling embarrassed. When I think about all the sex we've had over the last few days, I blush. I guess we had a lot of time to make up for.

Lex fell asleep afterwards. He looked so happy. He looks amazing considering everything he's been through. He's not wearing the bracelet I gave him. I haven't asked where it is. I think we're going back to his other place to get his things. He's moving in with me. We're going to live together in the city. I'm so excited. I can't wait to do things with him. We'll be restricted because he doesn't want to go out and be seen, but I'm sure we can work around that.

I'm looking forward to living with him. I just hope he doesn't try to tell me to go back to my parents. I can't go back there. I just phoned home. Mom answered, and I couldn't say anything. I hung up because I couldn't think of what to say.

I'm putting the ring back on. Lex is going to be angry.

 

12 July @ 07:32 am

Lex and I went to his old place yesterday after he woke. I took him for a ride on my motorcycle. He picked his things up from that dump he was living in. At least with me, he can live in luxury. He's used to being all pampered and stuff.

He's living with me now. He lost all this weight during his ordeal and he's really slim. I want to bite his hips. They are so sexy. 

I love when he moves in his sleep. It's like he knows he's being watched so he has to stay all sexy. 

After we picked his things up and brought them here, I took a nice long nap. The rest of the night was filled with some fondling and drinks. Then we both passed out in each other's arms. He's really touchy-feely. Normally, I hate that because of this ugly scar, but with him, I totally love it. I want him to touch me every chance he can. His touch is sexy and possessive. He's perfect.

@ 01:56 pm

What the fuck does he think he's doing? He says he wants to stay dead. He says he wants the rest of the world to think he's dead, and then he goes and practically tells everybody who he is. I'm doing everything to keep his identity a secret, but instead he's the one who's exposed his identity. He thinks people already knew anyway. At least he's not shouting it from the rooftops. I warned him to be more careful about what he does. He doesn't seem to care at all that people know or have guessed who he is.

We argued until he temped me with hot sex, his ass pressed up against the kitchen counter. I lifted him onto the counter and tore his pants off, and then I fucked him to show him who's his boss. He didn't seem to mind. After that, I made us some coffee. There's a small part of me that gets a thrill out of watching Lex get his ass fucked. I think we rocked the whole kitchen.

It must be love.

 

13 July @ 09:20 am

I want to worship every inch of his body. I want to suck him off and see that look of ecstasy on his face every single day.

He's so perfect with his sweaty body under me, his fingers in my hair and his legs wrapped around me. When I could thrust into him, he feels velvety, which reminds me that he's only human, so I do have to give him a break once in a while.

His cock is so hard right now. I love to watch him sleep. Moments like these are some of my favorites. When he doesn't know I'm watching and he stretches his slim, pale body and his cock jumps when I touch his skin, I know he's dreaming about me.

He responds to my caresses and kisses even as he dreams. Then I wake him with my tongue in his ass. 

I'm becoming a sex maniac, and it's not my fault. He's so sexy.

 

14 July @ 01:57 pm

I was feeling antsy last night so, while Lex was in the shower, I dressed up and left him a note to let him know where I would be. I was hoping he'd follow me and he did. Once I got to the club, some girl clung to me until Lex showed up, but I wasn't interested. She was boring. I was happy Lex showed up when he did. Even when I was with James, it never even came close to how I feel when I'm with Lex.

We had to leave the club because I spotted James there, and I wasn't in the mood to deal with that part of my past, so I grabbed Lex and dragged him out of the club. We went for a short ride to my favorite gay club. Once Lex relaxed, I pulled him into a dark corner and got down on my knees to worship his gorgeous cock. The thrill of doing it in public is a rush for me, but this time it was even more of a rush because Lex isn't even supposed to be alive. I was so hard the whole time I sucked him off. When he came down my throat, I almost came, but I managed to hold off.

I wanted to stay for a while, so I danced for him and we drank together. It was the perfect night. I only had eyes for him.

We went for a ride on my motorcycle. I was hard the whole time. I love the feel of the cycle vibrating between my legs and Lex's arms wrapped around me. I could have come right there. I was so tempted to park and give Lex the ride of his life right on the seat of the bike. The thought made my body tingle. I was hard for the rest of the ride home and with Lex's hand squeezing me through my pants I almost did come.

I waited for us to get back to our place, where I stripped down and stretched out on our bed. He climbed between my spread legs and sucked my cock until I came. The way he licks my shaft and swirls his tongue around the tip makes me hard just to think about it. Everything he does to me makes me hard. How did I ever survive being around him back in Smallville without jumping him every five seconds?

James called this morning, and Lex answered the phone. Lex was not pleased, to say the least. I told James that it was over and that he should move on, and then I hung up. I thought for sure that Lex would leave, but he stayed in bed with me. I wanted to get back to more important business. Lex was a little hostile. He brought up the fact that I had cheated on him and that I should have been able to save him, like I should have sniffed him out like some alien basset hound. Then he called me young and it wasn't fun anymore. I hate it when he brings it up. I never would have cheated if I'd known that Lex was still alive. 

I wanted to stop talking about that because those things are in the past. He's here now and that's all that matters.

 

15 July @ 01:48 pm

Everything was fine until James showed up. He stopped by at lunchtime to talk to me. Lex wasn't in the room, but he heard the conversation. I was wearing the ring when James stopped by. I told him it was over between us. He was a little upset. James is nice and I didn't want to hurt his feelings, so I said I'd see him around. 

Lex wasn't happy about this. He told me to fuck off, then left. I don't know if he'll be back. If he doesn't come back soon, I'm going out to look for him. 

I had to take the ring off again. It hurts too much. Everything hurts too much.

06:58 pm

Lex and I are going on a road trip. We need to get out of town and have some fun. We're headed out on my cycle and we are taking no prisoners!

 

17 July @ 05:34 pm

On Friday night, I saw the most awesome car in a dealership window. I wondered 'how much is that car in the window, the one with the shiny finish and pretty Diablo on the hood'. I robbed some bank machines of enough cash for the car and went back to the dealership. The nice woman helped me out, and now I own the silver Lamborghini Diablo. 

I love this car. Lex and I got in and drove for hours. Since I don't get tired, I did all the driving. Now we're in California and we are having fun. We went out to a gay club Saturday night. The club was wild. We could kiss and touch in public and nobody gave us grief. Lex and I were having such a great time. I danced while Lex watched. I love when he watches me. I've always loved when he watched me from the moment we met. His eyes on me send tingles through my body. I was just too naive back then to realize what it meant. It's a good thing I grew up; otherwise I'd still be waiting for something to happen. I was such a dork.

Unfortunately, some man had to spoil our fun when he touched Lex. I stepped in, pulled his hands off Lex, and informed him that Lex was mine, and that he should watch whom he touches. I pointed out Lex's collar to show that he's owned. I broke the interloper's hand when he tried to smart mouth me. He shouldn't have touched Lex. I was so angry that I wanted to smash that man's head in, so we left the club. We drove around until I found a beach. Lex calmed me down. After that we walked near the water then had sex on the beach. It was awesome.

We managed to find a place to stay that was right on the beach. It's really nice. We're here right now. I took a few seconds late Saturday, while Lex was otherwise occupied, and called Bruce to thank him for finding Lex. Bruce wasn't around so I left a message with his butler. I wonder how he'll react when he gets that message. I've been keeping up on Batman and Robin's adventures. They're really busy all the time. I guess there's quite a bit of criminal element in Gotham. 

It was a quiet day today. I spent all morning watching Lex. He looked so perfect lying on the white sheets of the bed. He got uncomfortable after a while and asked what I was trying to find. I wasn't trying to find anything; I already found what I want.

We're going back to Metropolis soon. I wish we could stay here. Not in this house since we don't really own it, but here on the beach away from the rest of the world where nobody can tell me what to do or who I should be. It was nice to walk around naked, sunbathe, and swim whenever I felt like it. I want to do this again for sure. 

I don't think Lex liked it as much as I did. It was probably all that sun. His delicate skin can't take the sun the way my skin can. I've never burned and it takes a lot of exposure for me to get a decent tan. It must be my alien skin.

 

18 July @ 11:07 pm

Lex drove for the first half of the trip, and I took over after we stopped to get something to eat. He was quiet for most of the ride. I think he must have been contemplating what to do next, because I could almost see the gears turning in his head. I was sure that if I x-rayed him, I would see actual mechanisms. 

I wonder if maybe we should go away every weekend. I'm going to ask him later. Maybe we could just get in the car and drive anywhere. I don't really care where. Now that we have this nice car I bought with all that stolen money, it would be so much easier.

I was glad to be back in familiar surroundings. We just had the most awesome shower sex. I pulled Lex in close to me with his back pressed to my chest and soaped him up. Then I stroked his gorgeous hard cock until he came all over my hand. Of course that totally made me horny. I was hard the whole time with my cock pressed against his ass --I couldn't resist. I bent him forward and fucked him in the shower. I want to do it again and again.

I feel so relaxed right now. Lex has already drifted off to sleep with a smile on his beautiful face. I want it to be this way forever. 

With a ton of cash and nobody to bother us, maybe it can be.

 

19 July @ 12:27 pm

This morning sucked ass. I woke up and had to take this stupid ring off. As soon as the pain stopped, I put it back on. Lex was getting dressed when it happened. He's so sexy even when he's doing something like dressing. I was watching him slip into his boxers, content to watch his ass disappear into the cotton fabric, knowing I'd be ripping them off him any moment because I was horny. 

Last night's shower sex gave me all kinds of fantasies. I dreamed that we were trapped in a shower naked, with nothing but a bar of soap. It wasn't really a dream. We weren't trapped in the shower last night, but it would have been cool, because then he'd be naked all the time and we could have lots and lots of hot sex. 

I kept imagining the feel of his hands on me and when I opened my eyes he was getting dressed. Then the scar burned and after I put the ring back on, Lex finished dressing and left to go for a walk. We didn't even have sex before he left which sucks because I was still horny. I ate breakfast alone.

He's acting all weird. Maybe we should move to another city. That might cheer him up.

 

20 July @ 03:34 pm

I could kill Edge and be done with it. He's really starting to bug me now. Last night, Lex and I went out to the club. After he came back from his walk, we had a talk. He was really spaced out. I think he might be suffering from some kind of mind thing from being on that island. I tried to reassure him that everything with us was good. He's more fragile than I thought. I'll have to be careful with him. I don't want to damage him more. His father did enough for two lifetimes.

I'm not sure what he meant when he said he wanted all of me. I'm right here. Nobody else has my attention but him. I give him everything. We almost had a fight, but then things were fine. Once we kissed and moved to the bedroom for sex, everything was just fine. He seemed fine. After the sex, we fell asleep in each other's arms.

Then we went out to the club, and some of Edge's men approached me to ask me to meet with their boss right there. He owns the club, and must have been waiting for me. I pushed Lex out of the way so he could hide behind me. I didn't want him to get caught. When the fight moved outside, things got a little out of hand, but I couldn't let them see Lex. Since Edge knows Lionel, chances are he knows Lex.

One of the men managed to pull Lex's hood off in the struggle. I was kicking somebody else's ass when it happened so I'm not sure how long it was off, and I don't know if they recognized Lex.

I told one of Edge's thugs to give Edge the message that I'd go to him if and when I was ready to deal. He better send that message, or I'm going to send it in person for sure. 

I don't get why he sent his men. I already told him I wasn't interested in his stupid deal. I don't need cash and I don't want to be bothered. 

I'm just glad Lex is okay. If one of those men tells Edge about Lex, then I can deal with it when it happens.

 

21 July @ 03:35 pm

I fucking flew! I flew to China and back in less than five hours. FUCK! 

Lex and I had the most amazing morning. We woke up and got dressed, and I decided today was going to be a great day, so I took him out to breakfast. We talked about everything and nothing. On the walk home, he asked me if we could run the next time we went on a trip. He doesn't want to take a car. He wants me to carry him. He wants us to run where we're going. I've never really done that before, but I told him we could try.

Then it happened. Just as we arrived at our place, I heard this deafening ringing in my ears. It wasn't like anything I'd ever heard before. This was different. I couldn't resist it. I told Lex not to go anywhere, and then I shot straight up into the sky. I flew! I fucking flew. I didn't stop until I got to China. When I landed, I had to find the source of this horrible ringing, and I had to stop it. 

I was drawn to some kind of temple where these men were worshiping some statue. I couldn't get close enough to grab what was causing the ringing, because there was fucking green Kryptonite embedded in the eyes of the statue. The temple looked old. How the fuck did the rocks get all the way over there? The only time I've ever seen them is in Smallville, not that I've been farther than the city until today. Those rocks came with me to earth. There is no way they could be in this old temple. 

In the end, I found what was making the noise. It was some rock that shot out of the temple and into my hand. As soon as that happened, these men came after me. I couldn't understand a word they said, but I got the distinct impression they were not happy I was stealing their stone. I didn't care about that. I just wanted the ringing to stop.

Unfortunately, I didn't get away from them fast enough. They came after me with swords that had green meteor rocks for handles.

They cut me up before I could get away from them. Then the men took the stone from me. I managed to crawl away from the temple and drag my ass outside. Unfortunately, one of the swordsmen followed me and stayed close enough that I couldn't recover from the green rock.

Lucky for me, we were interrupted by other men. After kicking some ass, they gave the stone back to me. I have no idea what they told me to do with it, but I thanked them and shot back up into the sky because all I could think about was the fact that I had taken off on Lex again.

It's so amazing up there above the clouds. I flew straight up and got a clear view of the earth from above. I guess this means I'm not afraid of heights anymore, and my people can defy gravity. All those times I floated must have been a precursor to flight.

I am a fucking freak!

I gave the stone to Lex and told him I wanted nothing to do with it.

@ 09:42 pm

I flew. How the hell am I ever going to be normal now? Humans can't fly without a plane. I remember when Lex and I first met, and he asked me if I believed a man could fly. I told him no. I think I'm going to have to change that answer to a resounding yes. 

YES! Lex, a man can fly and I am that man. 

 

22 July @ 06:48 pm

I'm alone for the first time in a while. Lex went out earlier to do some research. He took a picture of the stone and left so I think he's going to try to find out what it is. It has to be from my home world. The stone has a symbol on it and it's the same symbol burned into my chest. 

I had to take my school ring off, and I haven't put it back on yet. That was a few hours ago. I'm torn. I don't know what to do. On the one hand, the feeling that there's no going back overwhelms me. I can't go home. I can't stay here like this. I'm so glad I have Lex with me. 

I stared at that stone for a while, trying to figure out what it is and why it called to me and how the heck I flew. I guess that's just another one of the things I can do. At least when I was up there in the clouds, I didn't have time to think about what was happening to me. I just did it and now I stare out into the city and I stand on the balcony of the apartment, look up in the sky, and wonder how I could ever have flown. 

I'm afraid. I've never been so afraid before, not even when the green Kryptonite rocks have incapacitated me have I felt fear like this. What if I'm unstoppable? What if no matter how hard I fight it, I can never escape my destiny?

I have to have faith that Lex will figure this out. I know he will. He's smart and he's here with me. He loves me still even after I took off on him like that. I asked him yesterday after we had sex if it freaked him out that I flew. He thought it was cool. 

I don't want to take over the world. I don't want something to take over me and force this destiny I want no part of on me. I just want to be me, Clark Kent, a plain farm boy from Kansas. I don't want anybody to tell me what to do with my life. 

I left the ring in the bathroom. Maybe I can keep it off. I know Lex wants me to. 

I hope Lex gets back soon.

 

24 July @ 08:22 am

This weekend is all about relaxation. Pal and I have not gotten out of bed. Last night we ordered in pizza, and then we re-enacted many of our previous sexcapades. My favorite was when I rimmed him until he screamed for mercy. I don't think I've ever heard him beg quite that way before.

I gave him what he wanted. We had the most amazing sex on the balcony. After we moved back into the bedroom, I jerked off while he watched. I think I've become an exhibitionist, because I love it when he watched me. 

He's asleep right now, but I plan to wake him up with my big, thick stick. Right after I get us some coffee, 

 

27 July @ 01:03 pm

He left this morning while I slept. 

Last night, he got home late from his investigation. I'm beginning to hate that stupid rock. I want to smash it into a million pieces, but I bet it's like me: unbreakable. As soon as he walked in the door, I slammed it behind him and seduced him. I stripped us both naked and kissed him all over, then I pulled us both over to the bed and fucked him with everything I had. He can take it, and he took it well last night. I led us both down the path of ecstasy. He came with a cry of passion and I screamed out my own. I would fuck him forever if he'd let me. I love to be in him, thrusting deep, pulling him closer until we almost pass out from pleasure.

It was fucking awesome. I missed him so much while he was away. I told him so. I spent the day waiting for him to return to me. I wanted him to be here in the morning, but he had other plans.

After the mind-blowing sex, I cleaned us both up and he ordered in Italian. I was starved. I hadn't eaten all day so I wolfed down my own meal, and then sneaked some of Lex's food. 

We settled into bed, and everything was fine until that fucking scar started to burn again. Right there with Lex beside me, I writhed in pain. It was humiliating. I never wanted him to be so close to me when it happened, but he was, and he reached out and touched my burning scar as I lay there incapacitated from the searing pain. He took the ring off of my finger, and I wasn't me anymore. I was he. I was shame, fear, and every bad feeling in between.

I turned away from Lex and pulled on a shirt to cover up the scar. He asked me a few question as I sat there waiting for the pain to stop. It wasn't the pain from the scar or the ring that I felt; it was the pain of the things I'd done to bring me to this point. I don't want to feel that way. He asked why I put the ring back on every time it has to come off, and I didn't lie. I told him it makes me feel better. 

I tried hard to explain to him why I have to wear the ring. He told me that it was my choice what I did, and then he went into the other room. I know it doesn't make him happy, but I put the ring back on. 

I wiped the tears from my eyes, and everything was fine.

Now Lex is gone, and I'm not sure if he'll come back to me. If he doesn't come back, I know that I will probably go after him and force him to stay with me, because we are forever. There is no way I'm going to let these things about my alien heritage fuck things up. 

He better come back to me, or I can't be held responsible for what I do.

 

28 July @ 10:45 am

Lex fucking dumped me -- I just know it. That fucker! After everything I did for him... After everything I did to him... I made him feel wanted and loved and I gave him everything. What does he do in return? He goes off to hell knows where without a word to me. I can't call him because there's no way for me to call him.

I'm so pissed off right now. He better come home now or something really bad will happen. 

I waited up all night for him, and I even went looking for him at one point.

 

29 July @ 12:21 pm

Lex came home yesterday around lunchtime. I totally overacted to his absence. I don't like that he's become so obsessed with this thing I brought back from China, but there's nothing I can do to stop him. It pisses me off that I'm jealous of a stupid stone. It's taking up all his spare time.

After he got back, we had a big fight. I was so upset and angry, and I thought he was gone for good. He was gone once before -- it could happen again. I told him never to do that again. I think he realized how upset I was over his sudden disappearance. He could have at least called to tell me he'd be late. It turned out he found some kind of clue and got caught up in that. He lost track of time and fell asleep where he was. I know he can get all obsessed about things, so I have to accept that this is the way he is. 

After I calmed down, we relaxed for a while. He spent all his time doing more research, only it was at home this time. It must be something huge. I don't really care. I told him before I wanted nothing to do with that thing. 

I went out to the club after he fell asleep. I was bored. I met up with James who looked happy to see me. We danced for a while and then I brought him home. It's not like I was going to fuck him. I was just having some fun. So what if I kissed James a few times? I wasn't going to sleep with him. 

Lex flipped out and grabbed James. I thought he was going to throttle him. It was kind of funny to watch. I asked James to leave, and he left without another word.

I guess that wasn't one of the smartest choices I've made, but I don't care. Lex is so obsessed over that stupid thing. I want to be his obsession - only me, nothing else.

Lex got all pouty and pulled out some booze, so I left him to his bottle and took a shower, then went to bed. I couldn't sleep. Lex joined me and we fell asleep together. I held him in my arms and reassured him that we are forever. He has nothing to worry about. Can't he see that? No matter who else I'm with or have been with, he's the one. 

Maybe he's insecure. I should do something nice for him to take his mind off things. Or maybe he's still not all there because of what happened to him on that island. I could go after his dad for him. That might make him feel better. 

I'll have to think about all this.


End file.
